When It Rains, It Pours

Yesterday after church (my family's last day at Central) we went out to lunch with my Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Jeramy, Aunt Angel, and my family for mother's day. The week before we had gotten a call from my Grandma saying that she was going to the doctors to get some tests done. We really didn't think anything of it, I mean we were worried about it, but we had no idea what was to come. As we all sat at lunch, I could feel something was wrong. After lunch we all went back to my house to have desert. It finally came out. My Grandma and Grandpa sat us all down on the couch and told us what was going on with my Grandma. Turns out that my Grandma has pancreatic cancer. I don't know all the details about it and I really don't think I could emotionally handle it right now. All I know is that it is not good, and the doctors say they really can't do anything for her. At this point in my life I don't understand what God is doing. Sometimes I find myself looking up and just saying "Yeah, you know we are good over here, if you could stop that would be great, because I can't take anymore!" To my Grandpa, someone who always has the right answer, and is the most godly man I know, stood there speechless and had nothing but tears to share. I have never experienced a sickness like this in the family before.... and I don't know how to even feel. I know that God is in control and he will take care of my Grandma, but I just don't understand..... I just want to understand what I am supposed to learn about everything that is going on in my life right now, so I can learn it and move on. I know that is not the way God works. These past couple of months has honestly been the hardest couple of months in my life so far. Sometimes, I just wonder if it will all be ok.....

-Mapes